idiot. idiot. idiot.

I have no idea what the fuck I am doing here. I just know I have to leave because I don´t belong in here. I don´t understand all those people and the things they are talking about. What the fuck should be the point of it? I think they have no idea about it as well. Their words, their voice, someone else´s thoughts.

This fucking life. This fucking lifeless life. We don´t want it but we still use it. Because we all think that: "this is better than nothing at all".

I will start to write my thoughts. All of them. I don´t care what they think but my thoughts... it´s something I don´t want to ever forget about.

I´m stupid. Such an idiot. I like to get drunk and stoned. But when I put it together at one time it´s messing my mind. And heart. I don´t know why I did it yesterday. Why I get drunk and stoned. Why I did what I did with him at night. I´m just ruining everybody´s life. I´m such an idiot (I have to say it to myself again and again to put it in my fucking mind and never forgot about it.) Such a mess. Just throw me away or kill me right now. Everything I did was wrong. And it´s all my fault. We can´t do it ever again. It´s bullshit to destroy everything (he has just built) for one night and for some touching.

confused. fucked-up. down and out. outta my mind. not ok.